I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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