i barfeds in our rink
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
