the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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