so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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