I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
