I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
