Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
