thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
