if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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