it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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