i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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