You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
