Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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