i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
