my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
