I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize