"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
