My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
