girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
