So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
