Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
