There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
