Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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