So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
