You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
