My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
