he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
