remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
