the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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