white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
