She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
