this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
