Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
