where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm just crazy horny about you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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