I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
