He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
