Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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