How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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