My hand turned me down
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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