We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
