Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
