alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
