my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
