Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
