oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
