I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
