put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
