obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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