I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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