a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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