im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
