she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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