her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
